My Fears and Worries
In another one of my blogs I have talked about having a ventral hernia, what it is, the surgeries and healing time, but I didn’t really touch my emotional side of hearing the news. At first, I wasn’t sure what to think because I didn’t know what it was until I went to the doctor’s to get checked out. It hadn’t changed, it was pushing out a bit more from time to time until I pushed it back in, and there was discomfort and sometimes a bit of pain but not enough to cause alarm. Though as I think about it, I did have three different times where I had felt a lot of pain and I stupidly didn’t go into the ER to check out what was going on so I am really hoping that there isn’t any damage done because I didn’t go. The pain disappeared a few minutes after it had started so it didn’t really cause any alarm, but of course now knowing that I have a hernia and it is one of the more severe symptoms, I am kicking myself for not doing something about it.
But as I had said, I didn’t know what to think because I didn’t know I had a hernia so I made a regular doctor’s appointment to find out what is going on with my body and thought nothing more about the pain. I went in, the doctor said ‘oh yea I can feel your intestines pushing through, you definitely have a hernia,’ and my heart dropped. I know that my husband was okay when he had his surgery but then again there was also a problem with his because the first time he had to have it done on both left and right sides in the hip area, the doctor totally botched up the surgery. He has already had to have the right redone and even had to have the nerve cut to stop the constant pain but he is STILL in pain and it’s beginning to happen on the left side. So there is a huge possibility that he will have to go in again for the left side sometime soon. So that is one of my fears- having a botched surgery and living the rest of my life in constant pain or living the rest of my life having to pop pills in order to stop the constant pain.
I am also afraid that besides them botching up the surgery, there will have to be some other surgeries done at the same time in order to fix my intestines that had been strangled or anything else that may have been caused by the hernia. I am afraid that I go under with the anesthesia and I never wake up. I’m afraid that I won’t heal properly and it will cause an infection or other health issues and I get so sick that I can’t take care of my family. I’m afraid that something goes wrong and I become a vegetable, unable to enjoy life any longer and not being able to see my daughters grow up. I fear all of this, I worry about all of this, and I know it may seem stupid to think about all of this and to fear the worse but that is how my mind works at times when confronted with scary health issues or any other stressful issues in life. I also had these thoughts rushing around in my mind when my husband had to go under for his two hernia surgeries. I love him so much and would be scared if anything bad happened to him.
Much Needed Support
When I told my husband that I do have a hernia and that I have to go in for surgery, he could see the discomfort and fear in my eyes. After we got home that day, he held me and told me that we will get through this surgery, through the healing process, and that no matter how long it takes, he will be there to help with the girls and help me as I recuperate. He told the people where he works about my predicament and they are so understanding as well that they told him to tell them when I have my surgery and they will help any way that they can and will allow my husband to help me as long as needed as well. Having my husband help me especially since we have two young children, one of them still a baby, is a huge relief for me and it does take away some of the stress that I felt because of this.
Not only will I have my husband, but my parents, a couple of amazing people who I am so blessed to have as my parents, will also be helping out as much as they can. My mom said that she can pick up my daughter after school and either take her home to play a bit then bring her home or even just bring her home from school. And I know if I need any other kind of help, she and my dad will be right there asking me what I need, what can they do to help, and do whatever they can. More stress lifted off my shoulders because of these two.
And on top of my amazing husband and my super cool parents, I have a few friends who will do what they also can to help me out with either the kids or whatever else they think I need help doing. So I definitely don’t have to worry about help with getting the kids taken care of, the oldest taken to school, food made, chores around the house done, and me taken care of as I heal.
Knowing that I have such a great team of loving people that will support me and help me as I heal for who nows how long after the surgery is a huge relief and I definitely do not feel as stressed as I had before when I first got the news but again I still have those fears and worries that I have posted earlier. I am so happy that my husband is so understanding and does what he can in order to quiet my fears whether it’s listen to me talk about my fears or by just holding me closer and kissing me from time to time. It helps a lot to have the support from my husband, family, and friends hanging around me as I come to grips with the looming surgery. I cannot express enough in words how much they all mean to me and how lucky I am to have not only family and friends here who will help but also those around the world who are rooting for me and who I know will be thinking about me during and after the surgery, sending me positive vibes, and healing love my way. I am one lucky gal even if I am still scared.