Learning and Living with a Learning Disability

Hi, my name is Lacey, and I was diagnosed with Auditory Processing Deficit when I was in middle school. I can’t remember, but I think it was in 7th grade. I’m not 100% sure though. But I remember the day, going into a room, the door being closed, and a woman testing me.

I remember having to spell words, tell time, do simple math, write simple words, and do other tests. When she told me and my parents my diagnosis, I didn’t understand any of it. She of course was trying to explain it to me so I could understand, but I was young and just found out I have a learning disability. One that deals with hearing and my brain not understanding correctly.

While going to school, I knew I was different. I was just extra nice to everyone. I guess that didn’t sit well with others because I was bullied. Kindergarten through high school, I was bullied for being different. Throw in the fact that I had a LD, and it gave kids more fire with bullying and making fun of me.

I did my best to socialize with other kids but after being bullied and treated poorly, I became an introvert.

I do have some amazing friends, but it is a very small group of really close friends. They understand me and don’t judge me because of my LD, aka learning disability. I do now have more amazing friends online, but none close sadly.

High School Learning

When I got into high school, I was tested again with the same results. There is no cure, and it doesn’t just magically go away. But they wanted to make sure I still had it for some reason. When the results came back, stating I still have APD, aka Auditory Processing Deficit, the school told my parents I should be in special ed classes.

Thankfully my mom put her foot down and told them no. My dad backed my mom up 100%. She said I was to be put in regular classes and that I would work harder to keep my grades up. But I was to not be put in special ed classes. She didn’t want me to use my LD as a crutch.

I had to write out words more than once when studying. I had to do the same for math. To this day I still struggle with math and science the most.

In school, any test I took, I had to study extra hard, so I rarely went out when there was a test. I always got my homework done when I got home, reread what we had learned in school, and studied. I’d read allowed to my parents when it came to science, English, or Social Studies.

It was hard, but I kept my grades up. I would get As, Bs, and Cs. I did get an occasional D. Cs were mostly in Math or Science. I did fail the occasional test, but I learned and studied harder, read more, and pushed myself to do better. I didn’t want my LD to run my life.

College

When I went to college, I knew things were only going to get tougher. And once again, they had me tested. By this time, I was annoyed with how many times I had to be tested. The prior tests were on file, so why did I have to take it a third time? To make sure it’s still there? Or to make sure I wasn’t faking it?

But again, my other tests were on file. Anyways, I took the test again for Palomar Community College. I knew I couldn’t take the SATs and get a good enough grade to get into a 4-year college. So, I took the community college route.

It would be a longer college journey for me, but in the long run, it helped me a lot.

In community college, I did fail a few classes. Sadly, no matter how much I studied, I just couldn’t get them. So, I took the fails, and did other classes to make up for those credits.

To help me with my tests, I would actually get to go to an office and go into a room where I was given extra time. This was a big bonus for me because in classes, you never have a lot of time to finish a test.

After I graduated with my associate in liberal arts and studies, I was able to transfer to Cal State San Marcos. There, I did the same thing. Went to a room for extra time on tests, read everything out loud to my mom, studied and worked hard on math with my dad, and had to get over my fear of talking in front of people for speech class.

I hated talking or reading in front of people in any schools I went to, still do, but I did it. I graduated after being at CSUSM for 4 years with my bachelor’s in liberal arts and studies, and I was so proud.

My parents were so proud, too. I had overcome learning and studying and graduated from college.

Summer

I still did summer vacations with my parents, but for the most part, I did summer school every summer in middle school, high school, and college. I hated it when I was younger, but I understood why as I got older.

It wasn’t fun, but well worth taking those classes during summer.

I am so grateful to my mom and dad for fighting for me, so I wasn’t in special ed classes. I am so grateful that they helped me study and mostly pass my classes.

Now

I still struggle every day with my LD, but I don’t use it as a crutch. I don’t even really tell anyone that I have one. Though I am suspicious that I may have Visual Processing Deficit, but I was never diagnosed with it.

So, I struggle every day with APD and getting frustrated when I can’t understand something. I do my best, but there are sometimes when I just can’t get it. But I do everything I can to understand things. I was also told that because of my LD, I am mentally behind. I don’t know how far behind I am mentally but again I don’t let it stop me.

My husband, Ryan, helps me when I don’t understand something, and I couldn’t be happier to have such an amazing man by my side who understands my struggles. Our girls know a little bit about my LD, but I should tell them more about it. I don’t think either have it thankfully.

As for those who had bullied me, I forgave them. It still hurts when I think about it, and it has shaped who I am in a way, but I still forgive them.

Everything at once

Being told as a child that there is something wrong with you, being bullied because you are different while growing up, and having to push yourself to learn and get good grades, can be a lot on any person. I have my days when mentally I am exhausted with everything, but I continue to push myself.

I can’t let my LD win; I can never let it win. I will never use my LD as a crutch either. But I felt it was time to tell my story so some people can understand better about me.

There are those who know, and there are those who don’t.

So now you know. I have Auditory Processing Deficit. Maybe Visual Processing Deficit, but again I was never diagnosed with it.

I will link my two other blogs about the two learning disabilities so you can read more about them.

Links

Auditory Processing Deficit – Blogging With Crazdwriter

Visual Processing Deficit – Blogging With Crazdwriter